Jen’s latest book, Think on Your Feet: Tips and Tricks to Improve Your Impromptu Communication Skills on the Job (McGraw Hill Education, November 2019) is one of Inc Magazines “20 Books That Will Kick Off 2020 on the Right Foot” and has been called “a helpful maven’s guide ideal for anyone who views a podium with fear and trembling” by Publishers Weekly.
Jen was kind enough to share some impromptu communication tips and tricks below that I'm sure will of be of interest to ExhibiTricks readers.
Conversations With Friends 24/7
Flying by the seat of your pants.
Going with the flow.
Rolling with it.
You’re either cringing or getting excited reading those phrases.
Now, take those phrases into your museum workday.
Same feelings? Different?
I’ve been there – after working in museums as an educator for many years I realized that the whole “flex in the moment” thing isn’t the easiest for a lot of people. It’s not to say we aren’t good at it – because we are! – it’s the stigma of impromptu moments and impromptu conversations that causes this disconnect and often the discomfort.
Surprise! You’re probably already pretty good at impromptu speaking, flying by the seat of your pants, going with the flow and rolling with it – and if you’re laughing at me, think of the last friendly conversation you had.
Did you plan it?
Did you script it?
Did you overthink it?
NO! We simply listen and respond when we’re having these friendly conversations. For some reason, our brains short circuit when it’s work-related and suddenly we feel like we’re not “as good” as impromptu moments. If you just tap into that listen and respond like you’re talking with a friend mindset, you’re going to notice drastic improvement with staff, visitors and more.
While you’re wrapping your head around that mind shift, here are three areas to start tapping into directly that will build those skills in the moment and beyond:
I am constantly bringing everything back to listening. Imagine building a house, and you don’t check the foundation before you start building, you just start putting up the second floor on wiggly beams with no support.
That’s how I see communication without attention to the basics.
We are terrible listeners sometimes. I mean, can you blame us? We have a million things going on, we’re managing people and projects and the public and the next thing – on top of that all the information! We have an agenda and we need to make it happen…and when that takes over, listening in the moment can be one of the first things to go to the side.
And yet, listening is crucial and key, and usually one of the things you can improve on first and immediately reap the benefits. Take a moment to assess your listening skills: they are non-negotiable in impromptu communication moments. If a visitor or a coworker says something and you miss information, or were thinking about the what next NEXT, they might tell you – or they’ll write you off as a distracted listener.
If you know you tend to drift or focus a few steps ahead – or answer the question you think is being asked versus the question that is asked (a common offender in museum practice!) try this: wait until the person finishes their sentence, and take the last word of their sentence – let it inspire the first word of your sentence.
This is a riff off of a training exercise we do called Last Word – we have pairs take the last word of the previous sentence and have them use it as the first word of the response. The idea is to be comfortable in silence and to pay attention to the entire thought instead of forming an answer or before the other person is even done talking. Since that exact exercise makes you sound like Yoda in real life, the scaffold is the inspiration.
Show it, don’t just tell it
Because active listening is so darn important, I have to tap it twice. As adults, we’re often super polite. Smiling, nodding, mmmhmmming – all these lovely non-verbals that show that we are COMPLETELY LISTENING – not thinking about our inbox, our dinner, our plans later…right?
Yeah, I thought so.
Kids are the best. Kids will tell you when they aren’t listening to you because they will talk over you, fidget, say you are boring – all these things.
Be more like a kid.
Show that you’re listening, don’t just tell us with the smile and nod. Asking questions – true curiosity questions to get more information or to get deeper into the topic, not questions to insert your opinion or swap focus. “Tell me more about x” or “That’s awesome, can you explain y more?” are great open-ended questions that aren’t aggressive or attacking, and they center the speaker. Also, pro tip: when someone shows they are listening to the speaker – and truly listening, so asking these questions and getting the speaker to keep talking – that speaker has some seriously good vibes going. Dopamine is firing in the speaker’s brain and that good feeling will pass to you as the listener – and who doesn’t want to be associated with a good feeling?
It takes time to respond thoughtfully. Silences are confident.
Read that again, sink it in your brain, and start taking more silences.
We have a weird association with silences – be it the “getting caught” because you’re not paying attention or the “deer in headlights” of not knowing what to say next, silences are usually associated with anxiety. Sure, a silence that is forced on you is generally nerve-wracking. On the flip side – a silence you take to be thoughtful, to respond with consideration instead of reacting, is confident because you’re taking it by choice. When we put intention behind our actions, confidence comes through. Remember to give yourself some grace and space to learn, grow and improve. And don’t build the house without the foundation!
Thanks again to Jen for those helpful communication tips! If you’d like to learn more about Jen and her work, hop over to theengagingeducator.com.
AND NOW A FREE BOOK GIVEAWAY! Here's your chance to win one of two free copies of Jen's new book, Think on Your Feet: Tips and Tricks to Improve Your Impromptu Communication Skills on the Job. Either click the "Sign up for Free ExhibiTricks Blog Updates" link on the upper right side of the blog OR send me an email with "I want to win a copy of Jen's book!" in the subject line before January 30, 2020. We will randomly select one new ExhibiTricks subscriber and one emailer to each receive a book as their prize. Good luck!